...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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