yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize