Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
