You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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