Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
