How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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