Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize