too bad you live with your parents still
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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