he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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