My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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