If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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