Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am available for nakedness
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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