best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
