i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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