She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
