I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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