you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
