How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
