I'm pants shitting drunk right now
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
