she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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