Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
