I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
