Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
