is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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