i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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