I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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