Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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