so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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