I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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