I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
