Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she peed on how many people?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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