whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
