Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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