im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
