i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
