remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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