didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
