Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
