Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
