Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
