he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
