Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize