I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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