Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
