Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
