I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
