Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
