I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
