Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
