my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
