You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
