i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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