I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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