Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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