I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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