I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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