i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't deserve a penis
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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