party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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